out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
