But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
