Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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