I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize