I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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