You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She bit a glass in half.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
