best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
