It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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