How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
