As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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