i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shame - the story of my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
