Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
