We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
