I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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