She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
