my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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