you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
