What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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