Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
