The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
