She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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