Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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