Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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