I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize