when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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