I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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