sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
