Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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