At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Damn victory sex feels great
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize