Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
