gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
