did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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