I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
