somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
