I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
