There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
