so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
