just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
