really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
