i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
