i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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