I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
