Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
