Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
