I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
