I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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