i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
