That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
