P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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