Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
