i think my mom watched the whole time
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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