There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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