i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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