i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
