I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I believe in your delicious
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
