Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
