Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
