No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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