Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
