My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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