I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
