there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm at about main and main street
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
