Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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