Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
