its not stalking. its research.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
