i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
