I love black thongs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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