3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
