So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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