Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i will never coherently bang her
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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